Seen the doc

it's not so bad, didn't have to wait more than 20 min top.as usual, he asked for history - er doesn't he keep any records? anyways it's hard to be upset with him as he's a pretty nice guy, LOLanyways after the history, he asked if i could be pregnant, i told him abt the home pregnanancy test and he said it should be a clear out positive or negative - i guess a little part of me was wishing that the negative was a mistake. strange isn't? *wryly*

he did a short abdominal ultrasound and said everything is normal, PCO is still there. and went straight into explaining that PCO is hormonal imbalance and that i need to lose weight - yes we all know that. If i could lose a kg each time he said that to me, i would be kate moss.

so the plan is this , get AF coming again by taking sonulut for the next 10 days at 2tabs in the morning. it should come within the next week. then take clomiphere (fertility medicine) from D2 to D6 (5 days at 2 tabs in the morning), have coitus (sex) from D10 - D25 and between D20-D25, i can go back for a blood test to see if the fertility medicine is working - ie if i'm ovulating.

he took my word for it and i didn;t have a urine pregnancy test, so saved some bucks there. a short visit of 20 min consultation and there goes 75.20. i sure hope that this one cycle will do the trick.*keeps fingers and toes crossed*

*reminds myself - no caffiene
*Sat 09/04 - Mon 18/04
2tabs sonulut in the morningD2 - D6
2 tabs clomiphere in the morningD10-D25
BDD20-D25 blood test

Had a call from a GF

Friday

i've forgotten that M is going to be 1 yr old in May, how fast time flies.I don't think i can wait any longer to have kids. been reading up that the chances of conception gets lower and lower once past 30. do we have the time or the money to wait till later to try?i don't think so. hopefully the sooner we start trying means that we will spent less time and money on it.

did i tell ya about the dragon of a lady - eh the recept at the gynae - well she's one of the reasons why i'm so hesistant about making an appt to see the gynae. From galfriends and other posters who see him, they all agree that she's a bit of a dragon, but that she's a nice person to those who are pregnant which obviosuly i am not. sighs.it looks like i got to deal with her. let me muster up enough courage to call her.

i called her ard 2 plus to arrange for a appt, tentatively 12pm on friday. mentioned to her that i would like some time to discuss some issues with the doctor about having a baby and would appreciate an appt when the doc has time to talk things through.She said anytime in daytime can, cause day evenings, the doc is fully booked with 48 patients to see. wow - being a gynae is lucurative. :P

i told her i will return call and confirm with hubby first. and she just hang up the phone :??bother - i really hate this. i'm so tempted to just forget abt this. but then he has all my records.anyways, i discussed with hubby and we decided to give him another try. i wasn;t too sure that public is the way to go, esp since reading online that subsidised patients are usually seen by an MO or a registar only and it will take a longer time in public sector to get anything done. - the 3 hr wait at the polyclinic convinced me of that.

we don't have time to waste.so i called the clinic up again and was surprised that the call is picked up by the gynae himself. i thought i got the wrong number. :P. anyways got the appt fixed and yes, i'll be seeing him in a few hours time.

It's 5am in the morning and i couldn;t get to sleep. hubby is not sleeping well either and rather than having 2 persons tossing on the bed and waking each other alternatively, i figured that i could use the time on the computer to do up medical history and the questions i wanted to ask the doc.

Had this feeling that perhaps.....

perhaps i'm pregnant after all.

After chatting with a galfriend, thought that perhaps since menses is late, just perhaps i could be pregnant after all.

got myself in a frenzy and hurry to get back home to test.

it was a negative.oh well, life goes on

Step 2

I wonder what made me think that sat is a good time to go to the polyclinic. the opening hours are from 8am to 12.30pm. I reached the place at 8.45am and even before i got out of the taxi (yes, i took a cab, got no idea how to reach the place via MRT), i saw a long queue snaking out of tthe building.

woah, i didn;t know that many people go to polyclincs - i've always visited pte doctors. ok, i resigned myself to the long wait. Ok a side point which i think is funny.The queue was kinda funny - it stuck straight out in a straight line from the registration desk - and right out of the building into the rain (there was a slight drizzle) - i don;t understand why people were queuing in the rain when they could have moved sideways and took shelter under the corridor instead. that's singaporean for you.

As i was in the rain, i wondered if i should say something, but then fortunately the queue moved forward, and i got out of the rain. I turned backwards to see if anyone would move sideways out of the rain - but no, instead i saw a couple of umbrellas being opened.

well singaporeans.anyways, the queue (i thought it was for registration but no, it's pre-registration) - took about 15 min and i passed my IC to the lady and got a number. i looked at the number i am holding on to and the one that is flashing n the disply and i freaked out. i'm like 200 numbers behind.I managed to snag a corner chair while resigning myself to the wait. Thank goodness i got a trusty novel with me. As i read my book, i did some people watching and there are loads of new borns (crying babies) around. what an irony.

Ok, while i try to concentrate on my book, the numbers went flashing by and surprisingly within 45min, i got registered. by then it was almost 10am. that was a painless process.

now as i waited to see the doctor - there's a board that says it takes an hr and 4 min - why the precision, i'm so amazed. and that estimated time doesn't change at all.

so i settled down to wait and inbetween there was some drama going on with other people who were seeing the doc as well. oh well it puts for interesting reading, but not now. ( never got round to writing abt it - oh nvm)

i watch the numbers jump and noticed that each consultation didn't take more than 15 min max. and the queue numbers jump like 8 to 10 numbers each time. i was thinking like not too bad, it's going to my turn soon - perhaps within the 1 hr and 4 min promised at registration.

almost to 1hr and 4 min, my number flashed and i finally saw the doctor. a young lady, she sounded like she's from the philipines, OK, a foreign talent. :P i got nothing against foreign talent but surely there are enough doctors to go round in Singapore? - loads of kids out there wanted to be doctors.anyways back to the topic, I told her that i wanted a second opinion since i've been diagnosed with having PCOS a couple of years back and treatment at a pte clinic has not brought any results as i have not concieved since trying for a baby for 1 yr and a half.Guess what, the next question she asked was ' when did you get married?' - now that was a bummer question. We gotten married about 4 mths ago. Eh, i got nothing against pre marital sex but duhz, need i spell it out in black and white? btw She asked this question twice.

anyways, the next thing she asked was if i ever was pregnant - she asked this twice as well. and this was AFTER i explained that the pte doc said it's unliekly i can concieve due to PCOS.I'm just thankful that there was no physical examination.She wrote me a referral letter and asked me which hospital i prefer. Eh, KKH? isn't that where these sort of matters are sent to? or is there another women's specilaist hopsital around that i'm not aware of?i got the letter and was sent with a patient clinic assistant to make an appointment. She pointed me out to where i could get a seat. i figured that it's going to be another long wait. in 20 min time, i heard my name being called and finally managed to see someone who can get me a appointment.

that 20 min was rather interesting actually, i overheard a conversation between two ladies in their early thirites - well aunties, conversing in Mandarin about the inefficiency of the system. Evidently one of the ladies had to go for a blood test and a scan but she had her blood test done and told to see the doctor, after waiting ages to see the doc, she was told by the doc to go get a scan at another place, and had to wait for another appt. and after she got an appt, she had to go for the scan and the results will be sent to this doc. So she came back to see the doctor and was told that she had to make another appt to get another scan. and that's why she's waiting to get another appt.Sounds confusing? it sure is for me. and you know what, it's one and a half month since that first blood test.

I sure hope that whatever she's suffering from doesn't spread fast, in one and a hlaf months, a patient could be dead by then.anyways, after 20 min or so, my name was called out and someone helped me make an appointment for 2 weeks later with the fertility clinic in KKH.

I'm so eagerly waiting for the appointment. not.

Step 1c

his only encouragement was to lose weight - which i have to say is sound advice. PCOS patients tend to be overweight and overweight poeple tend to have PCOS. while it's uncertain to say which causes the vicious circle, suffice to say is that when one have PCOS it's a tough battle to lose weight.

and loosing weight is a real battle - i don't eat that much, i'm not fussy about food, i wonlt q more than 10 min to buy food, and where i work, it's common to queue that long to have food, which explains why i prefer to skip lunch.

So despite all of that, i still am putting on weight - i say that's because i'm happy. Everything seems to be going fine in my life right now. We got a flat, did the renovations, got a wedding package, got the gown, did the invites, had the wedding, did the honeymoon bit (ok it was just across the sea, but it's still a deliciously cool break) and the bedminton and the only dark spot is the lack of vomitting and the cravings for coke.

sighs. life is never smooth.

So that brings me to the next step.

Step 1c

Public hospital - that the only one that comes to mind is KKH. everyone i know in my generation is born in KKH. well, it can;t be that bad - despite all that i heard about it. It's the national women's hospital after all.

I surfed the net a little bit more and found out the various things that they do there. well, they have a centre for infertility - there you go, that word again.

ok, there are two ways one can go about seeing a doctor at KKH. To call their one number hotline and make an appointment and get charged non subsidized rates which cost slightly more than pte doctors without the service. now that's ridiculous.

the other way is to get a referral via a polyclinic.

NOw this is where i kinda barked up the wrong tree - i assume that there will be doctors specialising in women's health in the polyclinic - so i called the one nearest to me, i got the number via the MOH website.
It was an answering service and after watiting 15min and pressing buttons, i got a operator who didn't understand what's women wellness is and what's a pre conception screening is - the only thing i got out of her was pap smear - well i suppose that's as close i can get to women's screening, until she asid she can;t make an appt until she knows which day i started my last menses. - well i told her it's not regular and she went on about surely i know when was the last time i had my menses and she can;t make an appt with the doctor until i tell her.

That's when i gave up.

perhaps a personal visit to the polyclinic will be better.

that brings to Step 2

Step 1b

Step 1b

normal pte gynaes - i'm seeing one now. He's a pretty nice guy - professional and his rates are reasonable and he's like 10 min walk away from home. galfriends i know are seeing him an dpraise him for his bedside manners.
so all in all, he's a good gynae altogether. I've been seeing him for the last couple of years for various women's issues - irregular menses, those that do not come and those that when they do come, forever never ending menses as well.

There's a saying to describe menses - 'yee mah (auntie) come to visit' - i don't think this is refering to anyone's favourite auntie.

so while i used to be relatively happy that there's non of the inconvenience of having menses most of the time, yee mah only visits like once in 3 months or she even goes on vacation for longer periods of time. that surely don't restrict my activities.

sometimes she visits and with a vengence stays for a couple of weeks or even once a couple of months. i thought i would have died of blood loss before i saw him about it. a jab later and a couple of days later, he managed to stop it.
so my visits to him is limited to him trying to regulate my menses and me trying to make sure that it doesn;t affect my life.

menses is a bane in my life. there's a joke to beware the one that bleeds a week and don't die of bleeding, well i should say, one should beware the one that bleeds for weeks and don't die.

It's a draining process. literally. getting drained of blood as well as energy. though usually by the second week or so, one gets used to the tiredness and just hope that it will go away on its own.

not to mention the grouchiness and the short temperedness. i know i'm grouchy, i know i'm short tempered. and i know that PMS is not an excuse to give in to all those 'feelings' - and i believe in mind over body. chemical reactions or not, i'm going to rein in my grouchiness and temper - which i think i do successfully most times - which results in a swollen tougue and retarded responses.

swollen tongue when one just bites on the tongue to keep that remark from slipping out, and retarded responses when one just have to find another diplomatic reply to that REALLY STUPID question.

ok, that gynae, why didn;t we start with him instead? well , come to it, we did start with him. i remember asking him about the chances of concieving with all that menses irregularity - even me, in all my attempts to decieve myself - know that something is wrong.

it got seriously wrong - he did a ultrasound scan- the sort whereby you donlt wish it on anyone else. He put a probe via the vagina and he moves it around to see the various reproductive organs. the good news is that it's all intact, the bad news is the cysts on the left ovary and the heavier than normal lining of the womb which he said will clear.

Now he's not hopeful that the cysts will clear and he said it's probably PCOS - polycystic ovary syndrome - a serach on the net will tell you that a zillion women acorss the world have that and they sure talk about it.

I'm not too shattered back then, i wasn;t planning to have kids. i'm sure i didn't want to have kids. the only thing that plagued my mind was the higher possiblity of having cancer due to the irrgeular menses.

so half heartedly, i took the medicine he gave, which was meant to regulate the menses cycle. after months of having it and not having it, it got put on the back burner while i prepared to get a flat and do renovations and prepare for our wedding.

Step 1

Step 1

One would have thought that THE WAY to go about is is to make love loads of times - to the point of having sex for the sakes of it. but NO, it doesn;t work. I'm still not preggy yet. it's quite unbelievable - for one who abhors preganancy terms and avoids them like the plague and now i'm like head over water in them. and i consider preggy a pregnancy term, why can't pple say that they are pregnant instead of preggy?

after spending a couple of nights pondering over the next steps, I've concluded that we need external help. not a another woman nor another man - our sex life is pretty ok (in my opinion) - it better be his opinion as well.

ok, external party - professional medical parties - that's what i was refering to.

I spent some time surfing through the various websites - let's ttry to recall.

The first place is to check with my friends and contacts as to pte gynaes - that surely has to be the first place to start with, or so i thought, until i got some numbers and start making the calls. from scanning through some posts at a local forum, there are some 'famous' gynaes that pop up consistantly and a coincidence that one of them was recommended by a contact. He's known to have higher than average success rates, has a posh clinic in a pte hospital in singapore, and sky high charges. after ascertaining the sky high charges and the would you believe it 2 hrs waiting time to see him, i decided that as good as he is, he would be one of the last options to consider.

and to boot, he's attached to one of the most expensive private hopsitals for delivery expenses and post natal care.
so while he's the 'best', he's put on hold till things get worse.

ok, that was rather negative. i'm trying to have positive thoughts here. after reading through, or shd i say sifting through the myariads of postings on trying to conceive, i can;t help but be negative about it all.

If nature deems that you are suitable to have a child, surely it's nature that one will have one? and perhaps if one can;t have one, sirely it's because it's all part of the survival of the fitess kind of thing?

i've tried explaining this to hubby and all he did was to look at me and say there's no way you are getting out of this one - parents are getting old and isn't Y's baby so cute? wouldn't you like to have a baby like that? and my reply is still - only if i can return him.

as you can see, having a baby is really not top on my list of to do things. Having enough money to go on a long vacation trip sure sounds more enticing than having a 'bundle of joy' - especially so if we got to go out of our way and most probably get loads of strangers poking me in all the places that i wish never get exposed in public.

ok, back to choices. after pte gynaes which cost the bomb, there's other pte gynaes which don't specialised in fertitliy cases - the normal pte gynaes - i donlt know what they are called, but i suppose that because they do not have a reputation for fertility cases - that's another bad word.

Yes fertility is a bad word, i'll say more about it later. (later i found out there's another worse word - call sub fertility)

Thinking about babymaking

Been married for 4 months and doing you know what for months before, and yet still no sign of baby coming along.

Left and right, friends already have bouncy cute babies and little devils, friends of friends are already on their third kid, and even perfect strangers lugging their pregant bellies all over the place.

it's time to do something about it and i mean now