keyboard is still s_oiled.
guess which key?
was at LA at 11.30am, only to be told that he had to go away for an emergency delivery for an hour. by chance met Y who was there to get an MC as well. Y is now in her 8th week.
In the end, we had lunch and talked abt stuff in general. having gone thru a miscarriage before, she said something very striking - when commenting abt a friends friend who became hostile after knowing her friend was regnant not once but twice.
what she said was, there is nothing one can do to ease the erson out of her misery, only she herdelf can walk out of the (self constructed) cage. indeed how true. one can only move on by means of one strength.
LA did a scan and said that the inside is retty clean, excet for the bleeding everything seems fine.
he gave some medicine to sto the bleeding as well as the same dose of the other medicine to make the womb contract.
i was retty wary abt taking that other medicine, it was just last week that the same medicine caused such awful cram_s.
He gave me some _ainkillers to take at the same time.
Y was still waiting for me, and we went to NTUC to get some grocery. I got the feeling she didnt want to leave me alone. I did tell her i am ok, and she waited till i got a cab before heading home.
total damage
62 for just medicine alone.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
exactly one week since the loss
It is exactly one week since the D & C. i thought i would have gotten over it already. whether Physically or mentally or emotionally.
Physically i am still having cramPs and bleeding from time to time. the doc said it will be like this for the next 2-3 weeks until the womb is clear of any remaining tissues. at tmes, i feel light headed and at other times just Plain tired.
mentally, i have accePted the fact that the baby no longer exists. and i should move on and concentrate on new job as well as other areas in life. like PerhaPs learning new reciPes, make some new dishes, Plan an excercise routine, etc etc.
emotionally, at certain times, i feel that i am ok, coPing with the loss well, after all i reasoned that the loss is still early and if its healthy then nothing i do could make me lose the baby. its Precisely that its unhealthy and not meant to be. hence i should feel better emotionally.
yet unlogically, i wondered if we could have waited and PerhaPs, just PerhaPs, soemthing would have haPPened and the baby will survive.
then the thought that we forced nature to haPPen via forced ovualtion and IUI and all those jabs and medicine made me wonder if we didnt just ask for all this suffering. PerhaPs we arent meant to have children, hence therefore we are forcing nature by medical intervention. all that talk abt survival of the fittest, PerhaPs theres something innately wrong with our genes that isnt suPPosed to be rePlicated in the next generation.
emotionally, i asked myself..what did we do wrong? mentally, i KNOW that we did everything Possibly anyone could have done.
the blame is on no one, but the guilt is hard to bear. the Physical side effects is a constant reminder of what haPPened. i hoPe it go away sooner.
Physically i am still having cramPs and bleeding from time to time. the doc said it will be like this for the next 2-3 weeks until the womb is clear of any remaining tissues. at tmes, i feel light headed and at other times just Plain tired.
mentally, i have accePted the fact that the baby no longer exists. and i should move on and concentrate on new job as well as other areas in life. like PerhaPs learning new reciPes, make some new dishes, Plan an excercise routine, etc etc.
emotionally, at certain times, i feel that i am ok, coPing with the loss well, after all i reasoned that the loss is still early and if its healthy then nothing i do could make me lose the baby. its Precisely that its unhealthy and not meant to be. hence i should feel better emotionally.
yet unlogically, i wondered if we could have waited and PerhaPs, just PerhaPs, soemthing would have haPPened and the baby will survive.
then the thought that we forced nature to haPPen via forced ovualtion and IUI and all those jabs and medicine made me wonder if we didnt just ask for all this suffering. PerhaPs we arent meant to have children, hence therefore we are forcing nature by medical intervention. all that talk abt survival of the fittest, PerhaPs theres something innately wrong with our genes that isnt suPPosed to be rePlicated in the next generation.
emotionally, i asked myself..what did we do wrong? mentally, i KNOW that we did everything Possibly anyone could have done.
the blame is on no one, but the guilt is hard to bear. the Physical side effects is a constant reminder of what haPPened. i hoPe it go away sooner.
Friday, October 21, 2005
an article from the doctor - ExPlaining miscarriage
this is an article from the doc, i thought i tPye it here so that it can be found.
Each year more than 50,000 Pregnancies end in miscarriage or stillbirth, in Australia. Hannah Dahlen exPlains that while it is hard to make sense of miscarraige, there can also be life after tragedy.
I will never forget the look of emPtiness on my mothers face, tear streaked face, after she lost what would have been her seventh baby. And she will never forget the thoughtless words of the doctor who Patted her hand and said *you ahve nothing to cry about, you have six healthy children*.
Miscarriage imPacts the lives of so many women and their Partners but this imPact is so often underestimated by health Professionals, family and friends. Just because miscarriage is a relatively common event doesnt mean it is a minor exPerience or that it should, or will, soon be forgotten.
Why does miscarriage haPPen?
Miscarriage is a term used for the loss of a baby before 20 weeks of Pregnancy. It tends to be divided uP into early miscarriages (before 12 weeks) and late miscarriages (between 12 to 20 weeks). Every year in Australia more than 50,000 Pregnancies end in miscarriage or stillbirth. It has been estimated that-
*half of all concePtions end in miscarriage before 12 weeks, although many women will not be aware that they are even Pregnant.
*around 2-25 Per cent of known Pregnancies end in miscarriage. Eight er cent of these occur in the first 12 weeks of Pregnancy.
*around 1-2 Per cent of couPles exPerience recurrent miscarriages.
*Common causes of miscarriage
The majority of spontaneous miscarriages are due to major fetal or genetic abnormalities. Other causes are an unusually-shaped uterus, exposure to certain drugs, early opening of the cervix, hormonal imbalances, immunological factors, direct trauma to the lower abdomen, poorly controlled illness like diabetes, and environmental factors such as smoking, alcohol, radiation, infections and exposure to certain chemicals. As a woman's age increases so does her risk of miscarriage, mainly due to the fact that the incidence of genetic abnormalities increases with increased age.
It is important for women to realise that it is very rare for a miscarriage to occur because of something they have or have not done. Unfortunately, for the majority of miscarriages the cause will not be known and this can make dealing with the unanswered questions difficult. This lack of information can make couples feel frustrated and fearful about future pregnancies. Tests can be done to determine some causes but in most instances no cause is found.
Types of miscarriage.
The most common signs of miscarige are vaginal bleeding followed, or preceded by cramping. Many women also reported a decline in pregnancy symptoms such as nausea or the softening of previosuly tender breasts. There are several different types of miscarriages-
*a threatened miscarriage is where vaginal bleeding may occur over several days or weeks in the first half of regnancy. The cervis remains closed and the baby remains in the mothers uterus. Bleeding occurs in around 30 er cent of regnancies and roughly half of these women will miscarry. The rest will continue the regnancy.
*An inevitable miscarrige is where the cervix starts to oen but the baby is still in the uterus.
*an incomlete miscarriage is where some of the tissue from the baby stays insides the uterus and some is assed through the vagina. Bleeding and craming will continue where this has occured and an ultrasound will reveal the remaining tissue in the uterus.
*a comlete miscarriage is when the baby, membranes and lacenta have come out of the uterus. Bleeding and craming occur as the uterus emties and then the cervix will close and bleeding eases off over the next few days.
* a missed miscarriage is where the baby died but it continues to stay in the uterus. The cervis is usually closed and the size of the womans uterus does not grow. The babys heart beat will also be absent and the woman may notie that her symtioms of regnancy have disaeared (nausea, sore breasts etc)
* a miscarriage can also be unnoticed as it resembles a heavy eriod and goes unnoticed, escially if it occurs early on in regnancy and the woman isnt aware she is regnant.
*a blighted ovum is where an egg is fertilised bit it doesnt go on to divide or develoe into an embryo. The regnancy test will be ositive and miscarrige usually occurs around seven to 12 weeks.
*Ectopic pregnancy can also result in miscarriage and is potentially quite serious for the mother. It occurs when the fertilised ovum implants in the fallopian tube or some other place outside the uterus (1:100 pregnancies). pain is almost universal with ectopic pregnancy. The affected fallopian tibe will not need to be surgically removed but this is still the mainstay of treatment.
*in rare cases the lacenta develoed into a mole full of fluid filled sac and no baby exists. This occurs in 1:1000-1500 pregnancies.
WHat happens with miscarriage?
The general course followed when miscarriage occurs is - a missed eriod, regnancy symtoms, a ositive regnancy test (followed by days or weeks of vaginal bleeding), lower abdominal craming, backache and miscarriage of the baby.
Generally a doctor will take your history and examine you. They will take blood for a regnancy test and suggest an ultrasound to see if there is a baby in the uterus, if there is a heartbeat or whether there is tissue left inside.
Most miscarriages in the first few weels of regnancy are comlete and women rarely need admission to hosital or intervention. After 6 weeks there can be an increased tendency for some tissue to remain in the uterus causing continued bleeding and infection.
*management for miscarriage
For years, the routine management for women having a miscarriage, where some tissue was susected to remain in the uterus was to have a surgical emtying of the uterus (commonly referred to as D & C - dilation and curretage). This aroach is now being challenged and women have three otions-
* they can wait and see if all the tissue asses throgh the vagina ont heir own. where the wait and see aroach is used, articularly when the women are less than 12-13 weeks regnanct, around 80 er cent of women will not need surgical intervention.
*the medical evacuation aroach - where hormones like rostaglandins are used to encourage the tissue to be assed.
*surgical evacuation where the tissue is removed by gentle scaring or suction to the uterine lining, under a general or local aneasthetic. When suction is used, rather than traditional scraing of the uterus, the rocedure seems to be faster, less ainful and associated with less blood loss.
any tissue from the regnancy assed through the vagina or removed during d & C is usually sent to athology for examination to see if they can determine the cause of the miscarriage. Unless you request for the tissue to be return to you, it will be disosed of by the hosital after it has been examined. It is imortant that you know you may not be able to identify the baby in the tissue after a d & C.
* identifying the baby
whether or not you will will able to identify the baby following a miscarriage deends on how big the baby was before the miscarriage, how long it may have been dead for and whether it came out by itself or through a d & c. A baby will be aroximately 7-9cm in length at 12 weeks and 16-17 cm long (the size of an adult hand) at 16 weeks.
Seeing the baby and sending time with it can hel you exress your feelings and deal with the reality of the miscarriage. you may be able to take a hoto or even obtain rints from the babys hands and feet if it miscarries late in the forst 20 weeks of regnancy. This is entirely individual and arents need to do what is right for them in their circumstance.
What haens after miscarriage?
It is imortant to have medical follow u a coule of weeks after the miscarriage to ensure you are healthy. If you lost a lot of blood during your miscarriage then the iron levels in your blood can be checked. It will also enable you to ask questions and talk about your feelings and the future, if you feel ready.
*breast milk
Breast milk is roduced from 16 weeks onwards so if you had a late miscarriage you may find your breast roduce milk. This can be very distressing for some women but for others it can actually be comforting. The best way to suress breast milk is to avoid stimulating your breasts, wear a firm bra and use cold comresses.
*vaginal bleeding
Vaginal bleeding continues for 1 to 3 weeks and rogessively becomes lighter. Women who exerience ongoing heavy bleeding, ass clots or have ain should seek medical advice. Sanitary ads are better than tamons for the first coule of weeks after a miscarriage to reduce the risk of infection.
Generally waiting ti ahve sex a coule of weeks until the bleeding has ceased reduces the risk of infection. After this, some coules gain great comfort from resumtion of sexual intercourse, whlist others refer to exress their love in other ways for a while.
*regnancy symtoms
regnancy symtoms should subside two to three days after the miscarriage and disaear within one week.
Coing with loss
It has been said that while the loss of an adult reresents the loss of the ast, the loss of a baby reresents the loss of a future. It is not just memories that cause grief but lost hoes and dreams can have a huge imact.
Miscarriage often reresents a major loss to women and their families, and reactions can be very similair to those that follow the death of any close friend or family member. arents describe the feelings of disbeleif, sorrow, anger,ain, guilt, exhaustion and confusion. It is common for hysical changes to occur such as roblems with sleeing, eating and concetrating. These are all normal grief reactions to loss.
*different aroaches to grief.
It is imortant to remember, though, that the range of emotions is vast, and while one woman may be feeling devastated over the loss of her baby, another woman may be feeling guilty that in fact this wasnt a wanted regnancy and erhas her emotions even caused the miscarriage. It can also be hard when one artner aears to be getting on with life and resolving their grief and the other is not.
arents often have feelings of sadness resurfacing around the date the baby would have been born. Getting regnanct again, or someone else announcing their regnancy, can also bing back ainful memories. Seeing regnant women, or families with babies can also be distressing for some arents.
One of the hardest things for many arents following miscarriage is the lck of societal rituals such as a funeral, hotos, hand and footrints (esecially if the baby is too small). arents can be left wondering if they were really regnant. They often feel there is no way to mark the significance of the event or cature the memories.
*do what is right for you
arents ahve the right ti mourn for their baby as they see fit. This may involve lanting a secial tree, or even a lant that flowers around the time of the exected birth date, or time of the year the miscarriage occurred. Naming the baby that was lost can hel, as can deciding on the babys sex if this is unknown. While you do not have to have a funeral for a baby that miscarries under 20 weeks, you can if you choose to.
Journals, eotry and drawings can all hel arents to work through their grief. For some arents, however, moving on is the most imortant and this may mean doing none of these things. There are no right ot wrong ways to mourn or coe with your loss there is only your way and you know best what that is.
Future regnancies.
One of the most common questions women ask following a miscarriage is *will it haen again?* the good news is womens chances of not miscarrying agin are excellent. Around 97 er cent of coules who exerience a miscarriage end u having a baby in the future. Even after several miscarriages your chances of having a sucessful oregnancy are higher than miscarrying again. It is advisable though if women have had three consecutive miscarriages to see a doctor who will recommend further investigations to try and determine a cause.
As to when to get regnant again following a miscarriage, this is entirely u to you. There is no evidence that waiting for a certain eriod is advantageous, unless you have been advised to do this by your doctor. future regnancies do not negate the losses of the ast. They give hoe and meaning to our lives and a reason to move on beyond grief and into joy once more.
Each year more than 50,000 Pregnancies end in miscarriage or stillbirth, in Australia. Hannah Dahlen exPlains that while it is hard to make sense of miscarraige, there can also be life after tragedy.
I will never forget the look of emPtiness on my mothers face, tear streaked face, after she lost what would have been her seventh baby. And she will never forget the thoughtless words of the doctor who Patted her hand and said *you ahve nothing to cry about, you have six healthy children*.
Miscarriage imPacts the lives of so many women and their Partners but this imPact is so often underestimated by health Professionals, family and friends. Just because miscarriage is a relatively common event doesnt mean it is a minor exPerience or that it should, or will, soon be forgotten.
Why does miscarriage haPPen?
Miscarriage is a term used for the loss of a baby before 20 weeks of Pregnancy. It tends to be divided uP into early miscarriages (before 12 weeks) and late miscarriages (between 12 to 20 weeks). Every year in Australia more than 50,000 Pregnancies end in miscarriage or stillbirth. It has been estimated that-
*half of all concePtions end in miscarriage before 12 weeks, although many women will not be aware that they are even Pregnant.
*around 2-25 Per cent of known Pregnancies end in miscarriage. Eight er cent of these occur in the first 12 weeks of Pregnancy.
*around 1-2 Per cent of couPles exPerience recurrent miscarriages.
*Common causes of miscarriage
The majority of spontaneous miscarriages are due to major fetal or genetic abnormalities. Other causes are an unusually-shaped uterus, exposure to certain drugs, early opening of the cervix, hormonal imbalances, immunological factors, direct trauma to the lower abdomen, poorly controlled illness like diabetes, and environmental factors such as smoking, alcohol, radiation, infections and exposure to certain chemicals. As a woman's age increases so does her risk of miscarriage, mainly due to the fact that the incidence of genetic abnormalities increases with increased age.
It is important for women to realise that it is very rare for a miscarriage to occur because of something they have or have not done. Unfortunately, for the majority of miscarriages the cause will not be known and this can make dealing with the unanswered questions difficult. This lack of information can make couples feel frustrated and fearful about future pregnancies. Tests can be done to determine some causes but in most instances no cause is found.
Types of miscarriage.
The most common signs of miscarige are vaginal bleeding followed, or preceded by cramping. Many women also reported a decline in pregnancy symptoms such as nausea or the softening of previosuly tender breasts. There are several different types of miscarriages-
*a threatened miscarriage is where vaginal bleeding may occur over several days or weeks in the first half of regnancy. The cervis remains closed and the baby remains in the mothers uterus. Bleeding occurs in around 30 er cent of regnancies and roughly half of these women will miscarry. The rest will continue the regnancy.
*An inevitable miscarrige is where the cervix starts to oen but the baby is still in the uterus.
*an incomlete miscarriage is where some of the tissue from the baby stays insides the uterus and some is assed through the vagina. Bleeding and craming will continue where this has occured and an ultrasound will reveal the remaining tissue in the uterus.
*a comlete miscarriage is when the baby, membranes and lacenta have come out of the uterus. Bleeding and craming occur as the uterus emties and then the cervix will close and bleeding eases off over the next few days.
* a missed miscarriage is where the baby died but it continues to stay in the uterus. The cervis is usually closed and the size of the womans uterus does not grow. The babys heart beat will also be absent and the woman may notie that her symtioms of regnancy have disaeared (nausea, sore breasts etc)
* a miscarriage can also be unnoticed as it resembles a heavy eriod and goes unnoticed, escially if it occurs early on in regnancy and the woman isnt aware she is regnant.
*a blighted ovum is where an egg is fertilised bit it doesnt go on to divide or develoe into an embryo. The regnancy test will be ositive and miscarrige usually occurs around seven to 12 weeks.
*Ectopic pregnancy can also result in miscarriage and is potentially quite serious for the mother. It occurs when the fertilised ovum implants in the fallopian tube or some other place outside the uterus (1:100 pregnancies). pain is almost universal with ectopic pregnancy. The affected fallopian tibe will not need to be surgically removed but this is still the mainstay of treatment.
*in rare cases the lacenta develoed into a mole full of fluid filled sac and no baby exists. This occurs in 1:1000-1500 pregnancies.
WHat happens with miscarriage?
The general course followed when miscarriage occurs is - a missed eriod, regnancy symtoms, a ositive regnancy test (followed by days or weeks of vaginal bleeding), lower abdominal craming, backache and miscarriage of the baby.
Generally a doctor will take your history and examine you. They will take blood for a regnancy test and suggest an ultrasound to see if there is a baby in the uterus, if there is a heartbeat or whether there is tissue left inside.
Most miscarriages in the first few weels of regnancy are comlete and women rarely need admission to hosital or intervention. After 6 weeks there can be an increased tendency for some tissue to remain in the uterus causing continued bleeding and infection.
*management for miscarriage
For years, the routine management for women having a miscarriage, where some tissue was susected to remain in the uterus was to have a surgical emtying of the uterus (commonly referred to as D & C - dilation and curretage). This aroach is now being challenged and women have three otions-
* they can wait and see if all the tissue asses throgh the vagina ont heir own. where the wait and see aroach is used, articularly when the women are less than 12-13 weeks regnanct, around 80 er cent of women will not need surgical intervention.
*the medical evacuation aroach - where hormones like rostaglandins are used to encourage the tissue to be assed.
*surgical evacuation where the tissue is removed by gentle scaring or suction to the uterine lining, under a general or local aneasthetic. When suction is used, rather than traditional scraing of the uterus, the rocedure seems to be faster, less ainful and associated with less blood loss.
any tissue from the regnancy assed through the vagina or removed during d & C is usually sent to athology for examination to see if they can determine the cause of the miscarriage. Unless you request for the tissue to be return to you, it will be disosed of by the hosital after it has been examined. It is imortant that you know you may not be able to identify the baby in the tissue after a d & C.
* identifying the baby
whether or not you will will able to identify the baby following a miscarriage deends on how big the baby was before the miscarriage, how long it may have been dead for and whether it came out by itself or through a d & c. A baby will be aroximately 7-9cm in length at 12 weeks and 16-17 cm long (the size of an adult hand) at 16 weeks.
Seeing the baby and sending time with it can hel you exress your feelings and deal with the reality of the miscarriage. you may be able to take a hoto or even obtain rints from the babys hands and feet if it miscarries late in the forst 20 weeks of regnancy. This is entirely individual and arents need to do what is right for them in their circumstance.
What haens after miscarriage?
It is imortant to have medical follow u a coule of weeks after the miscarriage to ensure you are healthy. If you lost a lot of blood during your miscarriage then the iron levels in your blood can be checked. It will also enable you to ask questions and talk about your feelings and the future, if you feel ready.
*breast milk
Breast milk is roduced from 16 weeks onwards so if you had a late miscarriage you may find your breast roduce milk. This can be very distressing for some women but for others it can actually be comforting. The best way to suress breast milk is to avoid stimulating your breasts, wear a firm bra and use cold comresses.
*vaginal bleeding
Vaginal bleeding continues for 1 to 3 weeks and rogessively becomes lighter. Women who exerience ongoing heavy bleeding, ass clots or have ain should seek medical advice. Sanitary ads are better than tamons for the first coule of weeks after a miscarriage to reduce the risk of infection.
Generally waiting ti ahve sex a coule of weeks until the bleeding has ceased reduces the risk of infection. After this, some coules gain great comfort from resumtion of sexual intercourse, whlist others refer to exress their love in other ways for a while.
*regnancy symtoms
regnancy symtoms should subside two to three days after the miscarriage and disaear within one week.
Coing with loss
It has been said that while the loss of an adult reresents the loss of the ast, the loss of a baby reresents the loss of a future. It is not just memories that cause grief but lost hoes and dreams can have a huge imact.
Miscarriage often reresents a major loss to women and their families, and reactions can be very similair to those that follow the death of any close friend or family member. arents describe the feelings of disbeleif, sorrow, anger,ain, guilt, exhaustion and confusion. It is common for hysical changes to occur such as roblems with sleeing, eating and concetrating. These are all normal grief reactions to loss.
*different aroaches to grief.
It is imortant to remember, though, that the range of emotions is vast, and while one woman may be feeling devastated over the loss of her baby, another woman may be feeling guilty that in fact this wasnt a wanted regnancy and erhas her emotions even caused the miscarriage. It can also be hard when one artner aears to be getting on with life and resolving their grief and the other is not.
arents often have feelings of sadness resurfacing around the date the baby would have been born. Getting regnanct again, or someone else announcing their regnancy, can also bing back ainful memories. Seeing regnant women, or families with babies can also be distressing for some arents.
One of the hardest things for many arents following miscarriage is the lck of societal rituals such as a funeral, hotos, hand and footrints (esecially if the baby is too small). arents can be left wondering if they were really regnant. They often feel there is no way to mark the significance of the event or cature the memories.
*do what is right for you
arents ahve the right ti mourn for their baby as they see fit. This may involve lanting a secial tree, or even a lant that flowers around the time of the exected birth date, or time of the year the miscarriage occurred. Naming the baby that was lost can hel, as can deciding on the babys sex if this is unknown. While you do not have to have a funeral for a baby that miscarries under 20 weeks, you can if you choose to.
Journals, eotry and drawings can all hel arents to work through their grief. For some arents, however, moving on is the most imortant and this may mean doing none of these things. There are no right ot wrong ways to mourn or coe with your loss there is only your way and you know best what that is.
Future regnancies.
One of the most common questions women ask following a miscarriage is *will it haen again?* the good news is womens chances of not miscarrying agin are excellent. Around 97 er cent of coules who exerience a miscarriage end u having a baby in the future. Even after several miscarriages your chances of having a sucessful oregnancy are higher than miscarrying again. It is advisable though if women have had three consecutive miscarriages to see a doctor who will recommend further investigations to try and determine a cause.
As to when to get regnant again following a miscarriage, this is entirely u to you. There is no evidence that waiting for a certain eriod is advantageous, unless you have been advised to do this by your doctor. future regnancies do not negate the losses of the ast. They give hoe and meaning to our lives and a reason to move on beyond grief and into joy once more.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
creid myself to sleep again
i dont know what i am crying for?
the loss of our baby?
the emotional pain we went through?
the physical pain i went through?
the fear of whether it will happen again?
just plain hormones?
all i know is that there is a hard mass in my chest that prevents me from breathing. and the only way to release it is through crying.
am i going crazy?
i cant sleep but i can eat though, i take comfort in eating, though when it comes to night fall, my appetite just disappears. dinner always forms a lump in my throat and i cant wait to vomit it all out again.
the loss of our baby?
the emotional pain we went through?
the physical pain i went through?
the fear of whether it will happen again?
just plain hormones?
all i know is that there is a hard mass in my chest that prevents me from breathing. and the only way to release it is through crying.
am i going crazy?
i cant sleep but i can eat though, i take comfort in eating, though when it comes to night fall, my appetite just disappears. dinner always forms a lump in my throat and i cant wait to vomit it all out again.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
there is pain and THERE IS PAIN
you cant believe the excrutiating pain that 2 tiny pills can cause.
i took the pills at 8.30pm and the cramps started coming in at almost 11pm. tried hot pack, tried painkillers, nothing worked. then started vomitting everything out over a period of an hour, everything that ive eaten yesterday went out into the toilet bowl.
even water and the ponstan that i took. well, the painkillers never got a chance to work.
started to panick, and got hubby to call LA. The doc response - it will get worse before it gets better. after vomitting for the 4th time, and 2 hours later. hubby got worried and called LA again, LA then said theres still another day of this to go as i have to take another dose tomorrow night.
two days and nights of this?? there is no way i am going to survive the pain and the vomitting. my throat is rubbed dry already and i feel as if someone caught my inwards in a vise and twisting it.
LA then say theres always D & C, which will clear up the cramps and the bleeding. he said that the medicine i took, is the same one which D & C patients take anyways, so if i want to , i can go for D & C and end all this pain.
it wasnt until the third time when LA said that whether i had taken the pills or not (let it come naturally) the pain will still be the same, it is either tolerating it for 2 days with the pills, or 2 weeks + dun know how many days letting it come on its own, or a D & C which means the pain goes away in 2 hours. i wish i had known this earlier, nothing he said could have prepared me for tis pain i am experiencing now.
given a choice when one is doubling over the toilet bowl, well, it wasnt too much of a difficulty.
the D & C is arranged at 8am today. i am supposed to be at the hospital by 7am. it is 6.20 am and i am here typing this down while waiting for hubby to change and get ready to drive me down.
the D & C is surprisingly painless, the joys of GA. Its the waiting part thats pretty terrifying. alone on the hospital gurney, placed at the side of a busy passageway, with no spectacles, and blurred images of people in green rushing to and fro, some pushing carts that clang with metal instruments, the alternative was staring at the ceiling boards and the bright overhead lights.
it was all over in 2hrs, the d & C was scheduled at 9.15am and by 11, i was already back at the ward and getting over the GA. the first thing i felt was no pain, thats a huge relief. the pain didnt come back either, even better.
i got two weeks MC, and a follow up next week to make sure everything is ok.
actually physically, one only need 2 days of recovery time, but the womb will take time to contract as well as the emotional and psychological aspects of getting over a miscarriage.
going for a D & C after a miscarriage is the same physically as going for an abortion. The only difference is the pschological effect, the former doesnt give you a choice, the latter is YOUR own choice.
the physical risks are the same
A perforation of the uterine wall caused by the tip of the surgical instrument. This injury rarely requires treatment (additional surgery) and heals on its own.
Excessive bleeding is always a risk during surgery.
Another rare complication is infection with pain and fever.
as to psychological fears of a D & C affecting fertility...that one i need to ask the doc abt it.
cost tracking
D & C - $798.15
of which should be able to claim from insurance - or otherwise will be paid via medisave.
there was a hiccup during initial registration whereby we found out that we had to place a 400 deposit. thk goodness, i brought along credit card. never leave home without it, even if you are doubling over in pain at 6am in the morning.
we were told there is no cash required, everything shd be done via medisave. the woman at the counter said we got our information wrong, being in pain, i couldnt be bothered to find out more. you need 400, heres the card and get it over with.
it was only after the D & C, during discharge, that another lady realised the mistake made that a rebill was printed, so all that hassle this morning was just a hassle.
i took the pills at 8.30pm and the cramps started coming in at almost 11pm. tried hot pack, tried painkillers, nothing worked. then started vomitting everything out over a period of an hour, everything that ive eaten yesterday went out into the toilet bowl.
even water and the ponstan that i took. well, the painkillers never got a chance to work.
started to panick, and got hubby to call LA. The doc response - it will get worse before it gets better. after vomitting for the 4th time, and 2 hours later. hubby got worried and called LA again, LA then said theres still another day of this to go as i have to take another dose tomorrow night.
two days and nights of this?? there is no way i am going to survive the pain and the vomitting. my throat is rubbed dry already and i feel as if someone caught my inwards in a vise and twisting it.
LA then say theres always D & C, which will clear up the cramps and the bleeding. he said that the medicine i took, is the same one which D & C patients take anyways, so if i want to , i can go for D & C and end all this pain.
it wasnt until the third time when LA said that whether i had taken the pills or not (let it come naturally) the pain will still be the same, it is either tolerating it for 2 days with the pills, or 2 weeks + dun know how many days letting it come on its own, or a D & C which means the pain goes away in 2 hours. i wish i had known this earlier, nothing he said could have prepared me for tis pain i am experiencing now.
given a choice when one is doubling over the toilet bowl, well, it wasnt too much of a difficulty.
the D & C is arranged at 8am today. i am supposed to be at the hospital by 7am. it is 6.20 am and i am here typing this down while waiting for hubby to change and get ready to drive me down.
the D & C is surprisingly painless, the joys of GA. Its the waiting part thats pretty terrifying. alone on the hospital gurney, placed at the side of a busy passageway, with no spectacles, and blurred images of people in green rushing to and fro, some pushing carts that clang with metal instruments, the alternative was staring at the ceiling boards and the bright overhead lights.
it was all over in 2hrs, the d & C was scheduled at 9.15am and by 11, i was already back at the ward and getting over the GA. the first thing i felt was no pain, thats a huge relief. the pain didnt come back either, even better.
i got two weeks MC, and a follow up next week to make sure everything is ok.
actually physically, one only need 2 days of recovery time, but the womb will take time to contract as well as the emotional and psychological aspects of getting over a miscarriage.
going for a D & C after a miscarriage is the same physically as going for an abortion. The only difference is the pschological effect, the former doesnt give you a choice, the latter is YOUR own choice.
the physical risks are the same
A perforation of the uterine wall caused by the tip of the surgical instrument. This injury rarely requires treatment (additional surgery) and heals on its own.
Excessive bleeding is always a risk during surgery.
Another rare complication is infection with pain and fever.
as to psychological fears of a D & C affecting fertility...that one i need to ask the doc abt it.
cost tracking
D & C - $798.15
of which should be able to claim from insurance - or otherwise will be paid via medisave.
there was a hiccup during initial registration whereby we found out that we had to place a 400 deposit. thk goodness, i brought along credit card. never leave home without it, even if you are doubling over in pain at 6am in the morning.
we were told there is no cash required, everything shd be done via medisave. the woman at the counter said we got our information wrong, being in pain, i couldnt be bothered to find out more. you need 400, heres the card and get it over with.
it was only after the D & C, during discharge, that another lady realised the mistake made that a rebill was printed, so all that hassle this morning was just a hassle.
Monday, October 17, 2005
its not going to happen
just got the blood tests results for sat back. hcg has dropped to 141.1 and progesterone has increased to 122.6 due to the jabs and the medicine.
from 202 to 141 is not good news.
despite all that puking.
now waiting for FY to call back with advice.
the doc called back and said to stop all medication and let AF come, it should come within 2 weeks.
this should be the end of this saga.
will take a break from TTC and concentrate on new job.
some of the gals where saying that a D & C will ensure that everything is cleared out and pave the way for a better next pregnancy.
went to see LA for advice, he said at this stage a D & C is not neccesary. he gave some medicine called cytotec which will induce AF. the bleeding will be about a week, then all things should return to normal physically.
at this point in time, reality sets in.
i wont have a chance to name this baby
i wont have a chance to talk to him
i wont be able to hold him in my arms ever
from 202 to 141 is not good news.
despite all that puking.
now waiting for FY to call back with advice.
the doc called back and said to stop all medication and let AF come, it should come within 2 weeks.
this should be the end of this saga.
will take a break from TTC and concentrate on new job.
some of the gals where saying that a D & C will ensure that everything is cleared out and pave the way for a better next pregnancy.
went to see LA for advice, he said at this stage a D & C is not neccesary. he gave some medicine called cytotec which will induce AF. the bleeding will be about a week, then all things should return to normal physically.
at this point in time, reality sets in.
i wont have a chance to name this baby
i wont have a chance to talk to him
i wont be able to hold him in my arms ever
Sunday, October 16, 2005
spotting or no spotting, pantang or not pantang
keeping track is driving me out of my mind.
imagine having to fear going to the loo, just in case one sees the spotting again.
like the above, this other thing has been on my mind as well. pantang or not pantang.
some gals are pantang (superstitious) about telling people whether or not they are pregnant before the pregnancy is stabalized at week 12 (3 months down the road).
the fear rises from soemthing happening to the baby if the announcement is made before the three months.
in my view, this is just plain hogwash. but if it makes one feel better to believe in it, then go ahead and believe in it.
one website states this -
When to tell others is a hotly debated topic. Sharing the joyous news of your pregnancy is a very personal decision. Some choose to share the good news early and often. They will tell anyone who will listen. Before the pregnancy test stick has dried they are on the phone calling their friends and family.
The other extreme is to tell no one. This group may also wait to tell until they have reached a predetermined point in their pregnancy. Then they may tell only on a need to know basis, often waiting until their expanding abdomen shouts the news for them.
Both sides of this coin have a point. Here is a break down of some of the issues on each side:
Advantages to Telling Early
Lots of support early in pregnancy
Able to share your good news and excitement
Earlier offers of physical help
More advice from others about practitioners
Help with early decisions
If you miscarry, you will have support from everyone
Disadvantages to Telling Early
Too much advice
Good news travels fast, you may not be the first to tell someone
If you miscarry everyone knew you were pregnant
Advantages to Waiting to Tell
Time to digest the news
Make decisions without input of others
If you miscarry you don't have to retract the pregnancy announcement
Disadvantages to Waiting to Tell
No help/support from others
If you miscarry everyone wonders why you are sad, and you have to backtrack your explanation
As you can see there is not a clear-cut answer. You might choose to tell early, knowing that if you had a pregnancy loss that you would need the loving support of family or friends in the grieving process. You may wish to wait until the risk of miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy has past before sharing the news of your pregnancy. There is not one right answer. What works for your family is the right way for you to share the good news.
so dont be influence by other people on whether to tell or not to tell. like in Y case, she told another friend first before telling me knowing that my pregnancy is not stable and not sure how i would react to the news. but yet on the hand, she has not told her family members yet as she is not sure of their reactions and their support.
imagine having to fear going to the loo, just in case one sees the spotting again.
like the above, this other thing has been on my mind as well. pantang or not pantang.
some gals are pantang (superstitious) about telling people whether or not they are pregnant before the pregnancy is stabalized at week 12 (3 months down the road).
the fear rises from soemthing happening to the baby if the announcement is made before the three months.
in my view, this is just plain hogwash. but if it makes one feel better to believe in it, then go ahead and believe in it.
one website states this -
When to tell others is a hotly debated topic. Sharing the joyous news of your pregnancy is a very personal decision. Some choose to share the good news early and often. They will tell anyone who will listen. Before the pregnancy test stick has dried they are on the phone calling their friends and family.
The other extreme is to tell no one. This group may also wait to tell until they have reached a predetermined point in their pregnancy. Then they may tell only on a need to know basis, often waiting until their expanding abdomen shouts the news for them.
Both sides of this coin have a point. Here is a break down of some of the issues on each side:
Advantages to Telling Early
Lots of support early in pregnancy
Able to share your good news and excitement
Earlier offers of physical help
More advice from others about practitioners
Help with early decisions
If you miscarry, you will have support from everyone
Disadvantages to Telling Early
Too much advice
Good news travels fast, you may not be the first to tell someone
If you miscarry everyone knew you were pregnant
Advantages to Waiting to Tell
Time to digest the news
Make decisions without input of others
If you miscarry you don't have to retract the pregnancy announcement
Disadvantages to Waiting to Tell
No help/support from others
If you miscarry everyone wonders why you are sad, and you have to backtrack your explanation
As you can see there is not a clear-cut answer. You might choose to tell early, knowing that if you had a pregnancy loss that you would need the loving support of family or friends in the grieving process. You may wish to wait until the risk of miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy has past before sharing the news of your pregnancy. There is not one right answer. What works for your family is the right way for you to share the good news.
so dont be influence by other people on whether to tell or not to tell. like in Y case, she told another friend first before telling me knowing that my pregnancy is not stable and not sure how i would react to the news. but yet on the hand, she has not told her family members yet as she is not sure of their reactions and their support.
Saturday, October 15, 2005
had a long chat with Y last night
found out that she is pregnant as well and is now 7.5 weeks along into the pregnancy. if calculated correctly (based on first day of last menses 24/08), she shd deliever on 03/06/06. I am so happy for her and hope she will be able to see the baby heartbeat at LA next week.
actually she found out before her trip to genting, but didnt know how to break the news to me in case mine didnt work out. whether mine work out or not, i am genuinely happy that she is on her way to her second baby. if all things goes smoothly, we may have kids that will grow up the same time together. How nice.
things are not looking good for me. from the gynae visit on thur till today, there have still been some spotting as well as cramping, almost as if AF is coming. This cant be good.
Had blood drawn as well as another jab (on the other side of the butt). and another 2 days MC with a stern warning from the gynae not to go anywhere this weekend.
Will know the blood test results next Monday. I hope that it goes up. double, quadraple, shoot up, just bloody go up.
cost tracking
$147.00
actually she found out before her trip to genting, but didnt know how to break the news to me in case mine didnt work out. whether mine work out or not, i am genuinely happy that she is on her way to her second baby. if all things goes smoothly, we may have kids that will grow up the same time together. How nice.
things are not looking good for me. from the gynae visit on thur till today, there have still been some spotting as well as cramping, almost as if AF is coming. This cant be good.
Had blood drawn as well as another jab (on the other side of the butt). and another 2 days MC with a stern warning from the gynae not to go anywhere this weekend.
Will know the blood test results next Monday. I hope that it goes up. double, quadraple, shoot up, just bloody go up.
cost tracking
$147.00
Friday, October 14, 2005
useful avenues to ask questions/get more information
http://www.pregnancy-info.net/f/newsletter_a_forum.php
summary
http://www.pregnancy-info.net/QA/questions-Possible_Complications/
deatail threads which are useful at this pt in time
http://www.pregnancy-info.net/QA/answers-Low_HCG_Level_at_7_Weeks/
http://www.pregnancy-info.net/QA/answers-Low_HCG_Levels_at_4_and_5_wks_pregnant/
summary
http://www.pregnancy-info.net/QA/questions-Possible_Complications/
deatail threads which are useful at this pt in time
http://www.pregnancy-info.net/QA/answers-Low_HCG_Level_at_7_Weeks/
http://www.pregnancy-info.net/QA/answers-Low_HCG_Levels_at_4_and_5_wks_pregnant/
Thursday, October 13, 2005
start of twice weekly jabs
official start to the twice weekly jabs.
had the first jab this afternoon, i am getting used to the jabs now.
clarified with FY abt the hcg level thingy, he said that 10,000 is the value to see a viable sac & feotus.
the sac can be seen at 1,000 but it may not be viable.
another interesting information to keep somewhere.
felt giddy this afternoon after the jab, had slight spotting as well. came home and fell into bed.
called FY in the evening and he said the giddiness could be to the jab and it shd not reoccur again.
as for the spotting it could be due to walking a bit too much, and i jokingly reply that it was just a bit only. he then say that we are doing whatever we can for the pregnancy, so just hope for the best.
on the practical side of matters
the jabs cost 26.30 each, at twice weekly till week 12.
the pills which cost like 50 for 5 days supply.
blood tests $70 twice a week
scans done weekly at 40 each
consult at 40 each week
estimated cost till week 12
jabs $400, pills $250, blood tests $ 840, scans $240, consult $240
total cost $1970 (wow)
cost tracking
26.30
had the first jab this afternoon, i am getting used to the jabs now.
clarified with FY abt the hcg level thingy, he said that 10,000 is the value to see a viable sac & feotus.
the sac can be seen at 1,000 but it may not be viable.
another interesting information to keep somewhere.
felt giddy this afternoon after the jab, had slight spotting as well. came home and fell into bed.
called FY in the evening and he said the giddiness could be to the jab and it shd not reoccur again.
as for the spotting it could be due to walking a bit too much, and i jokingly reply that it was just a bit only. he then say that we are doing whatever we can for the pregnancy, so just hope for the best.
on the practical side of matters
the jabs cost 26.30 each, at twice weekly till week 12.
the pills which cost like 50 for 5 days supply.
blood tests $70 twice a week
scans done weekly at 40 each
consult at 40 each week
estimated cost till week 12
jabs $400, pills $250, blood tests $ 840, scans $240, consult $240
total cost $1970 (wow)
cost tracking
26.30
serious discussion last night with hubby
from what we know, at this present point in time, what are the chances that the baby? foetus? embroyo? will have a growth spurt from 202 to 10,000 in terms of hcg within this week?
i asked hubby how long do we want to keep trying to prolong the inevitable. He didn't want to give up, neither do i. but i dare not have raised hopes that he/she/it will survive and grow well.
we agreed to wait till week 8 before deciding whether to continue on with the expensive injections and the agony of waiting.
have to go back to the doc for another jab later today.
i asked hubby how long do we want to keep trying to prolong the inevitable. He didn't want to give up, neither do i. but i dare not have raised hopes that he/she/it will survive and grow well.
we agreed to wait till week 8 before deciding whether to continue on with the expensive injections and the agony of waiting.
have to go back to the doc for another jab later today.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
blood test results
HCG at 202 as of 11/10/05 and progesterone at 45 (which is on the low side) which means i need jabs twice a week to support the pregnancy.
oh boy.
HCG is still low but at least it did doubled.
oh boy.
HCG is still low but at least it did doubled.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Saw FY today - no reassurance given
i am so tired, so tired of this waiting and uncertainty.
FY ruled out ectopic pregnancy based on the blood HCG results, he said that its unlikely that it will be an ectopic pregnancy as the numbers did double, although its a little on the low side. I think he was very much understating the situation.
anyways he did another blood test, this time for beta HCG as well as progesterone. an interesting fact * synthetic progesterone like Duphaston cannot be measured in the blood stream, hence the progesterone blood test will really show the actual (natural) level of progesterone in the body.
The idea is that progesterone will help support the pregnancy, if one has insufficient progesterone, there will be indications like cramping and spotting, both very bad signs. He also gave me utrogestan (which is a natural progesterone).
FY was unable to giveme any reassurance as to how the pregnancy will developed other than saying that the numbers are really too low. I asked him how low is it actually, he hesitated a bit and then replied that at this stage (of about week 5 and a half) - the HCG level is supposed to be at the 10,000 plus range (mine is only 88 as of 07/10 fri).
Only when the HCG rises to above 10,000, then the sac can be seen. and the sac is usally seen at around week 5. heartbeat at week 6.
he said that the baby could be developing slowly, as long as the HCG levels do double very other day, there is still hope that it will catch up.
I asked if it will affect the baby development in the future, he hesitated a bit before replying that its unlikely so long the baby continues to developed and be monitored in the next couple of months. for that moment, the thought of having a mentally slow child because of us trying too hard to keep the pregnancy scared me out of my wits.
i am so tired of the waiting and the uncertainity. i need to talk to the other company about the job offer. i need to sign and return the letter by the mid of next week. what should i tell them? what shd i do?
on a bit of humour, FY suggested just sign and accept the offer first, they will never know u are preggy as it wont show yet. eh great advice from a gynae. lol.
on another bit of humour, this morning hubby tried on his suit made for the wedding, the suit shrunk quite a bit from the dry cleaning - until we realised that we got the wrong suits back. and this was like almost a year back.
We sent the suit for dry cleaning at the bridal salon and didnt checked it when it was returned to us. after a frenetic search for the invoice, we then sheepishly realised we got the wrong suits back.
Thk goodness, we managed to contact the gal at the salon. she kept our suit and we did an exchange. that was hubbys boo-ha number 1.
subsequently we went for breakfast at that food centre in chinatown. hubby got up to get additioanl ice and then when he returned, sat down at a completely different table and startled not only me but also the poor woman at that table.
poor hubby, i couldnt stop laughing, neither could the woman too. we looked at each other and just continued laughing. fortunately we finished our breakfast already and quickly left. boo ha number 2.
it was still early for the gynae appt, even after we ran all the errands we started to do. so we went shopping at paragon. We got some nice checked boxers from M & S, hey they do carry super sizes.
We then decided to head to toy r us, and we walked together to the escalators upwards, and of course hubby walked onto the one leading downwards and look startled when i am going up and hes well not going anywhere on a down riding one. boo ha number 3.
the caucasian guy who was sitting at the bench opposite the escalator just laughed and laughed, i m glad we made his day. *wryly*
i will be going back to work tomorrow, the spotting has already stopped and the rest is just up to fate. i never did believed in fate and i still dont believe in fate. whatever will be, will be. nothing more nothing less.
a couple of the gals sms me just now. i really appreciate their concern. Thks S and J. tks for your thoughts.
tracking cost
FY 156.50
FY ruled out ectopic pregnancy based on the blood HCG results, he said that its unlikely that it will be an ectopic pregnancy as the numbers did double, although its a little on the low side. I think he was very much understating the situation.
anyways he did another blood test, this time for beta HCG as well as progesterone. an interesting fact * synthetic progesterone like Duphaston cannot be measured in the blood stream, hence the progesterone blood test will really show the actual (natural) level of progesterone in the body.
The idea is that progesterone will help support the pregnancy, if one has insufficient progesterone, there will be indications like cramping and spotting, both very bad signs. He also gave me utrogestan (which is a natural progesterone).
FY was unable to giveme any reassurance as to how the pregnancy will developed other than saying that the numbers are really too low. I asked him how low is it actually, he hesitated a bit and then replied that at this stage (of about week 5 and a half) - the HCG level is supposed to be at the 10,000 plus range (mine is only 88 as of 07/10 fri).
Only when the HCG rises to above 10,000, then the sac can be seen. and the sac is usally seen at around week 5. heartbeat at week 6.
he said that the baby could be developing slowly, as long as the HCG levels do double very other day, there is still hope that it will catch up.
I asked if it will affect the baby development in the future, he hesitated a bit before replying that its unlikely so long the baby continues to developed and be monitored in the next couple of months. for that moment, the thought of having a mentally slow child because of us trying too hard to keep the pregnancy scared me out of my wits.
i am so tired of the waiting and the uncertainity. i need to talk to the other company about the job offer. i need to sign and return the letter by the mid of next week. what should i tell them? what shd i do?
on a bit of humour, FY suggested just sign and accept the offer first, they will never know u are preggy as it wont show yet. eh great advice from a gynae. lol.
on another bit of humour, this morning hubby tried on his suit made for the wedding, the suit shrunk quite a bit from the dry cleaning - until we realised that we got the wrong suits back. and this was like almost a year back.
We sent the suit for dry cleaning at the bridal salon and didnt checked it when it was returned to us. after a frenetic search for the invoice, we then sheepishly realised we got the wrong suits back.
Thk goodness, we managed to contact the gal at the salon. she kept our suit and we did an exchange. that was hubbys boo-ha number 1.
subsequently we went for breakfast at that food centre in chinatown. hubby got up to get additioanl ice and then when he returned, sat down at a completely different table and startled not only me but also the poor woman at that table.
poor hubby, i couldnt stop laughing, neither could the woman too. we looked at each other and just continued laughing. fortunately we finished our breakfast already and quickly left. boo ha number 2.
it was still early for the gynae appt, even after we ran all the errands we started to do. so we went shopping at paragon. We got some nice checked boxers from M & S, hey they do carry super sizes.
We then decided to head to toy r us, and we walked together to the escalators upwards, and of course hubby walked onto the one leading downwards and look startled when i am going up and hes well not going anywhere on a down riding one. boo ha number 3.
the caucasian guy who was sitting at the bench opposite the escalator just laughed and laughed, i m glad we made his day. *wryly*
i will be going back to work tomorrow, the spotting has already stopped and the rest is just up to fate. i never did believed in fate and i still dont believe in fate. whatever will be, will be. nothing more nothing less.
a couple of the gals sms me just now. i really appreciate their concern. Thks S and J. tks for your thoughts.
tracking cost
FY 156.50
Saturday, October 08, 2005
some technical stuff about Beta HCG
From all the websites i have covered, the general idea is that one HCG blood test is not enough to indicate the status of the pregnancy.
Normal HCG blood levels vary widely between different women and in different pregnancies for the same woman. Be very careful when trying to 'interpret the numbers'. During the first 12 weeks of pregnancy, the level itself is NOT as important in how much it is rising every few days. Some normal pregnancies will have quite low HCG levels and still progress, ending in the birth of a healthy baby. The best way to confirm if a pregnancy is progressing is to repeat the blood test in 2 to 3 days time, and perhaps again 2 to 3 days after that. This is aimed at seeing if the HCG level is rising adequately.
what exactly is the indicative range, normal HCG blood levels vary so widely that the indicative range can be quite meaningless. For eg, these are the values i got from different websites. (all are measured in terms of miu/ml or iu/l)
Weeks of pregnancy after last period
Days after conception
HCG level for single baby (mIU/ml or IU/L) (i havent figured oout how to do tables here- so bear with this)
Week 3 - 7 - 0 to 5
Week 4 - 14 (next period due) - 5 to 426
Week 5 - 21 - 18 to 7340
Week 6 - 28 - 1,080 to 56,500
Weeks 7 to 8 - 35 to 42 - 7,650 to 229,000
Weeks 9 to 12 - 49 to 70 - 25,700 to 288,000
(taken from http://www.birth.com.au/class.asp?class=6620&page=8)
as compared to this other one taken from (http://www.babyhopes.com/articles/highhcglevels.html)
Normal Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG) levels:
0-1 week: 0-50 IU/L
1-2 weeks: 40 - 300
3-4: 500 - 6,000
1-2 months: 5,000 - 200,000
2-3 months: 10,000 - 100,000
2nd trimester: 3,000 - 50,000
Non-pregnant females: <5.0
Postmenopausal: < 9.5
which one to follow? - the best guide will still be your gynae.
Normal HCG blood levels vary widely between different women and in different pregnancies for the same woman. Be very careful when trying to 'interpret the numbers'. During the first 12 weeks of pregnancy, the level itself is NOT as important in how much it is rising every few days. Some normal pregnancies will have quite low HCG levels and still progress, ending in the birth of a healthy baby. The best way to confirm if a pregnancy is progressing is to repeat the blood test in 2 to 3 days time, and perhaps again 2 to 3 days after that. This is aimed at seeing if the HCG level is rising adequately.
what exactly is the indicative range, normal HCG blood levels vary so widely that the indicative range can be quite meaningless. For eg, these are the values i got from different websites. (all are measured in terms of miu/ml or iu/l)
Weeks of pregnancy after last period
Days after conception
HCG level for single baby (mIU/ml or IU/L) (i havent figured oout how to do tables here- so bear with this)
Week 3 - 7 - 0 to 5
Week 4 - 14 (next period due) - 5 to 426
Week 5 - 21 - 18 to 7340
Week 6 - 28 - 1,080 to 56,500
Weeks 7 to 8 - 35 to 42 - 7,650 to 229,000
Weeks 9 to 12 - 49 to 70 - 25,700 to 288,000
(taken from http://www.birth.com.au/class.asp?class=6620&page=8)
as compared to this other one taken from (http://www.babyhopes.com/articles/highhcglevels.html)
Normal Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG) levels:
0-1 week: 0-50 IU/L
1-2 weeks: 40 - 300
3-4: 500 - 6,000
1-2 months: 5,000 - 200,000
2-3 months: 10,000 - 100,000
2nd trimester: 3,000 - 50,000
Non-pregnant females: <5.0
Postmenopausal: < 9.5
which one to follow? - the best guide will still be your gynae.
some reassurance needed
Fri 7 Oct 2005 - hit the big 3-0
after a sleepless night and waking at 3am to test if the line is still there, i decided that i cant wait till next tuesday. tues is like another 5 days to go which feels like 5 years to me.
I recalled what LA said about normal HCG levels doubling every two days. and called him to make an appt. i think i got him on the phone while he was brushing his teeth. in between gurgles and what not, i got an appt to see him at 9.45am and got the blood test done.
i got it right abt the HCG values doubling every other day, but the best indictation of a healthy pregnancy is when the HCG level hits 100. whcih means that my original estimate of 60 is way far off the healthy mark (mon 03/10 was 15, so if the HCG is suppose to double every 2 days, by fri it shd hover around 60)
by the time the blood sample was done, it was close to 11am. results are expected within 4 hours. though it wasnt till almost 5pm when i got the results.
it was 88. below 100 but it did more than double since Mon. the doc called and suggested i visit his clinic in the evening for another jab. he reinforce that if its a healthy pregnancy, HCG will continue to increase.
He did point out something that the jabs and medicine may not aid in keeping the pregnancy if its unhealthy to begin with, but at least we are doing everything we can to keep this precious one.
Those words strike a deep chord in me. After all that we been thru, this pregnancy is so very precious to us. while i hope and wait that it will be healthy as the days pass by, there is always a real and persistant nagging fear that it will leave us.
how much it cost us so far in follow up
LA Mon blood test $45
KL Wed visit $211
LA Fri AM $35
LA Fri Eve jab $60
after a sleepless night and waking at 3am to test if the line is still there, i decided that i cant wait till next tuesday. tues is like another 5 days to go which feels like 5 years to me.
I recalled what LA said about normal HCG levels doubling every two days. and called him to make an appt. i think i got him on the phone while he was brushing his teeth. in between gurgles and what not, i got an appt to see him at 9.45am and got the blood test done.
i got it right abt the HCG values doubling every other day, but the best indictation of a healthy pregnancy is when the HCG level hits 100. whcih means that my original estimate of 60 is way far off the healthy mark (mon 03/10 was 15, so if the HCG is suppose to double every 2 days, by fri it shd hover around 60)
by the time the blood sample was done, it was close to 11am. results are expected within 4 hours. though it wasnt till almost 5pm when i got the results.
it was 88. below 100 but it did more than double since Mon. the doc called and suggested i visit his clinic in the evening for another jab. he reinforce that if its a healthy pregnancy, HCG will continue to increase.
He did point out something that the jabs and medicine may not aid in keeping the pregnancy if its unhealthy to begin with, but at least we are doing everything we can to keep this precious one.
Those words strike a deep chord in me. After all that we been thru, this pregnancy is so very precious to us. while i hope and wait that it will be healthy as the days pass by, there is always a real and persistant nagging fear that it will leave us.
how much it cost us so far in follow up
LA Mon blood test $45
KL Wed visit $211
LA Fri AM $35
LA Fri Eve jab $60
Thursday, October 06, 2005
faint positive again
i know KL said not to test again but i did anyways.
the line appeared faster this morning, it is still faint but appeared with the control line.
i am just thankful that it did not disappear.
the line appeared faster this morning, it is still faint but appeared with the control line.
i am just thankful that it did not disappear.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Day 17 - faint positive HPT
i cant believe it, its a faint HPT when i tested this morning at 6am. i didnt realise the faint line till 15 min when i saw it again.
i couldnt believe my eyes. didnt even tell hubby incase it was a false alarm.
decided to see the gynae. called FY emergency service and got KL at woodlands. went to see him around 10.30am
did a v scan and he cant see the sac yet. he then did a UPT and the faint line was still there. He then gave a progesterone jab and hormones pills to take. advice to take a weeks rest and see FY again on next wed.
all in all, quite a out of the mind experience.
will update some more later.....been told by the gals that bed rest means ..exactly that resting on the bed - not sitting upright and chatting.
ok, i heard you gals.
thks for all your thoughts and prayers.
i couldnt believe my eyes. didnt even tell hubby incase it was a false alarm.
decided to see the gynae. called FY emergency service and got KL at woodlands. went to see him around 10.30am
did a v scan and he cant see the sac yet. he then did a UPT and the faint line was still there. He then gave a progesterone jab and hormones pills to take. advice to take a weeks rest and see FY again on next wed.
all in all, quite a out of the mind experience.
will update some more later.....been told by the gals that bed rest means ..exactly that resting on the bed - not sitting upright and chatting.
ok, i heard you gals.
thks for all your thoughts and prayers.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Day 16 - blood test results
called the clinic at 3pm, results not in yet
got a friend to call at 3.30pm, results still not in yet
called at 4.15pm, result not in yet.
clinic called back at almost 5pm, saying that the results is with LA and to call back in half an hrs time.
i called back at 6pm, result is between 10-15. now normal result is supposed to be below 2, LA explained that it could be residual from the HCG jab before the IUI.
to confirm, HCG levels are supposed to double every day, so a HPT by tomorrow or thursday should confirm the result.
a normal HPT shd be able to trace min 20, so if am really preggy, HPT shd be positive by tomorrow or by the very latest Thursday.
found an article which clarifies some doubt. (http://www.babyhopes.com/articles/highhcglevels.html)
Do high HCG levels always mean you are pregnant?
Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG) is the "pregnancy hormone" or "announcer of pregnancy" that keeps the corpus luteum producing progesterone when you conceive. It is produced by the placenta during pregnancy and is measured by home pregnancy tests (HPTs). A woman normally produces 25 milli-international units per milliliter (mIU/ml) of Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG) 10 days after conception. As a general rule, Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG) levels should double every two to three days after conception. Accordingly, the concentration of Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG) rises rapidly, frequently exceeding 100 mIU/ml by the first missed menstrual period and peaks in the range of 30,000-200,000 mIU/ml by 8-10 weeks into pregnancy. A Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG) level of less than 5 mIU/ml generally indicates that one is not pregnant.
There is great variation in Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG) levels. It isn't the absolute value that matters in these results, but the change in values. In a normal pregnancy, the level of this hormone approximately doubles about every two days during the first 10 weeks. However, high levels of Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG) may indicate choriocarcinoma of the uterus, ectopic pregnancy, Downs syndrome in fetus, hydatidiform mole of the uterus, normal pregnancy, or ovarian cancer. Once you have had an ectopic pregnancy, you have an increased risk for another, so your HCG numbers may be monitored more carefully.
Normal Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG) levels:
0-1 week: 0-50 IU/L
1-2 weeks: 40 - 300
3-4: 500 - 6,000
1-2 months: 5,000 - 200,000
2-3 months: 10,000 - 100,000
2nd trimester: 3,000 - 50,000
3rd trimester: 1,000 - 50,000
Non-pregnant females: <5.0
Postmenopausal: < 9.5
Injections
If you have been given an Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG) injection (Profasi, Pregnyl) to trigger ovulation or to lengthen the leutal phase of your cycle, trace amounts can remain in your system as long as 10 days after your last injection. These can give you high Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG) levels. Two consecutive quantitative Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG) beta blood tests can circumvent this problem; if the level increases by the second test, you are likely to be pregnant.
geez, after the nerve wrecking wait and its still not 100% confirmed, and another blood test??
got a friend to call at 3.30pm, results still not in yet
called at 4.15pm, result not in yet.
clinic called back at almost 5pm, saying that the results is with LA and to call back in half an hrs time.
i called back at 6pm, result is between 10-15. now normal result is supposed to be below 2, LA explained that it could be residual from the HCG jab before the IUI.
to confirm, HCG levels are supposed to double every day, so a HPT by tomorrow or thursday should confirm the result.
a normal HPT shd be able to trace min 20, so if am really preggy, HPT shd be positive by tomorrow or by the very latest Thursday.
found an article which clarifies some doubt. (http://www.babyhopes.com/articles/highhcglevels.html)
Do high HCG levels always mean you are pregnant?
Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG) is the "pregnancy hormone" or "announcer of pregnancy" that keeps the corpus luteum producing progesterone when you conceive. It is produced by the placenta during pregnancy and is measured by home pregnancy tests (HPTs). A woman normally produces 25 milli-international units per milliliter (mIU/ml) of Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG) 10 days after conception. As a general rule, Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG) levels should double every two to three days after conception. Accordingly, the concentration of Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG) rises rapidly, frequently exceeding 100 mIU/ml by the first missed menstrual period and peaks in the range of 30,000-200,000 mIU/ml by 8-10 weeks into pregnancy. A Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG) level of less than 5 mIU/ml generally indicates that one is not pregnant.
There is great variation in Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG) levels. It isn't the absolute value that matters in these results, but the change in values. In a normal pregnancy, the level of this hormone approximately doubles about every two days during the first 10 weeks. However, high levels of Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG) may indicate choriocarcinoma of the uterus, ectopic pregnancy, Downs syndrome in fetus, hydatidiform mole of the uterus, normal pregnancy, or ovarian cancer. Once you have had an ectopic pregnancy, you have an increased risk for another, so your HCG numbers may be monitored more carefully.
Normal Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG) levels:
0-1 week: 0-50 IU/L
1-2 weeks: 40 - 300
3-4: 500 - 6,000
1-2 months: 5,000 - 200,000
2-3 months: 10,000 - 100,000
2nd trimester: 3,000 - 50,000
3rd trimester: 1,000 - 50,000
Non-pregnant females: <5.0
Postmenopausal: < 9.5
Injections
If you have been given an Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG) injection (Profasi, Pregnyl) to trigger ovulation or to lengthen the leutal phase of your cycle, trace amounts can remain in your system as long as 10 days after your last injection. These can give you high Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG) levels. Two consecutive quantitative Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG) beta blood tests can circumvent this problem; if the level increases by the second test, you are likely to be pregnant.
geez, after the nerve wrecking wait and its still not 100% confirmed, and another blood test??
let me think abt it.
Monday, October 03, 2005
Day 15 - Mon - blood test
found out that FY is overseas, hence decided to go to LA for a blood test.
that test will be more definitive than waiting another week till FY returns on 7 oct.
will know the result by 4pm tomorrow.
that test will be more definitive than waiting another week till FY returns on 7 oct.
will know the result by 4pm tomorrow.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Day 13 Sat - well, still negative HPT
been having cramps and slight spotting on Sat - guess thats AF on its way.
While i was prepared that this cycle may not work, its a totally different feeling KNOWING that it didnt work.
DH said something very touching - despite his urgent need for offspring, he suggested that we should take a 6 mth break to relax and pursue other things.
the past 6-8 weeks have been ultra stressful due to news of company closure as well as TTC leading to short tempers and insomnia - all mine and poor DH.
We had a wedding dinner in the evening to attend, but i really do not feel like socialising today - in the end DH went alone.
and came back still hungry.... which meant I had to get him something to eat at 11pm on a saturday night that doesnt include instant noodles.
He got a loaf of garlic bread.
While i was prepared that this cycle may not work, its a totally different feeling KNOWING that it didnt work.
DH said something very touching - despite his urgent need for offspring, he suggested that we should take a 6 mth break to relax and pursue other things.
the past 6-8 weeks have been ultra stressful due to news of company closure as well as TTC leading to short tempers and insomnia - all mine and poor DH.
We had a wedding dinner in the evening to attend, but i really do not feel like socialising today - in the end DH went alone.
and came back still hungry.... which meant I had to get him something to eat at 11pm on a saturday night that doesnt include instant noodles.
He got a loaf of garlic bread.
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