exactly one week since the loss

It is exactly one week since the D & C. i thought i would have gotten over it already. whether Physically or mentally or emotionally.

Physically i am still having cramPs and bleeding from time to time. the doc said it will be like this for the next 2-3 weeks until the womb is clear of any remaining tissues. at tmes, i feel light headed and at other times just Plain tired.

mentally, i have accePted the fact that the baby no longer exists. and i should move on and concentrate on new job as well as other areas in life. like PerhaPs learning new reciPes, make some new dishes, Plan an excercise routine, etc etc.

emotionally, at certain times, i feel that i am ok, coPing with the loss well, after all i reasoned that the loss is still early and if its healthy then nothing i do could make me lose the baby. its Precisely that its unhealthy and not meant to be. hence i should feel better emotionally.

yet unlogically, i wondered if we could have waited and PerhaPs, just PerhaPs, soemthing would have haPPened and the baby will survive.

then the thought that we forced nature to haPPen via forced ovualtion and IUI and all those jabs and medicine made me wonder if we didnt just ask for all this suffering. PerhaPs we arent meant to have children, hence therefore we are forcing nature by medical intervention. all that talk abt survival of the fittest, PerhaPs theres something innately wrong with our genes that isnt suPPosed to be rePlicated in the next generation.

emotionally, i asked myself..what did we do wrong? mentally, i KNOW that we did everything Possibly anyone could have done.

the blame is on no one, but the guilt is hard to bear. the Physical side effects is a constant reminder of what haPPened. i hoPe it go away sooner.